After a standard breakfast of scrambled milk and eggs, chopped onions, refried
potato bits, and crispified animal flesh (usually some form of reconstituted pig
stomach or smoked hind quarter) our maroons retook the forest.
In response to Billy Bob's waking grunts, Smoky had turned tail and headed across the lane. Once there he proceeded to advise the family from Iowa not to leave food stuffs in Johnny and Suzy's pink play tent. Suzy didn't care too much but Johnny pouted then wailed when he came out of the motor home and learned that the cost of the lesson was "the pink play tent", which Smoky turned into survey ribbon before trundling off to inspect the rest of his acreage.
Having decided to stay two nights at Bryce Canyon, there was no packing up to be done and rebuilding the fire pit took no more than a minute out of Cletis' shaken morning.
In their first serious efforts at bonding with the rest of touring America, Billy Bob and Cletis attempted to join the morning nature hike into the canyon. Loaded up with cigarettes and a SMALL bottle of bourbon for sustenance and supplies they arrived at the designated meeting spot between parking lot and cliff's edge at 9:00 AM.
Either the regular group saw the boys pour themselves out of the truck and took off early or Billy Bob got the time, location and date wrong. There was no group and no guide to take the boys on the posted 3-mile walk through the canyon. Undaunted,the boys joined up with a pack of rabid cyclists who had paid hard American cash to cycle the highways of the area as a group and stay at the lodge just outside the park.
While smoking was certainly frowned upon within the group and the boys kept their
puffing to a minimum for the duration of the hike, a fellow birder among the cyclists
understood instantly the significance of the Wild Turkey salute.
The birder who was
from the Bahamas had never seen nor heard a Stellar's Jay before and eagerly accepted
the 9:10 AM offering of "a sip" to salute his new record. The bottle's contents drained
quickly as there were many new birds for anyone who's primary birding has been done in
the east. Cletis took as a sign that it was time to give his new friend the slip when
they were looking straight up into blue sky and speculating on the identity of a black
dot floating aimlessly above.
"It's too far for me to say if it's a vulture, eagle or even a raven, but I have heard that they released some California Condors near the Vermilion Cliffs about 70 miles from here..."
"Hmmm. Looks like the pictures I've seen. How about a swig?"
Cletis said, "Ya, Okay - but I've got to go catch Billy Bob. He's got my smokes..." Cletis thought "Christ, this guys gonna be seeing Pterodactyls soon if I don't hide the bottle."
Standing in the 85 degree "shade" of a gnarled and gnarly 3000-year-old Bristle Cone Pine Billy Bob and Cletis smoked and watched the drunken birder and the rest of the cycle freaks press on into the canyon.
"...'s a good morning, Billy Bob - don't ya think?"
"Too fuckin hot"
Deeper into the canyon, Cletis set about making other friends as Billy Bob was feeling the heat and turning into taciturn prick supreme.
Not anxious to share anymore of the limited resources, Cletis was planning to keep the
bottle a private thing from then on, but in commiserating with Alvin he felt obliged
to share what little he had left.
Cletis was walking near the bottom of the canyon when he saw what turned out to be Alvin's friend Simon, skewered on the branch of Juniper tree and serving as brunch for a family of 7-inch Pygmy Owls.
The positive identification of Northern Pygmy Owls was a lifer for Cletis, so...
The tragic loss of his friend was a bummer for Alvin, so...
As it turned out, Alvin too was a lush and had been part of the Bryce Canyon wild life alcohol rehab program since early spring. Cletis' friendly offering had pulled Alvin off the wagon and, coupled with Simon's sudden death, destroyed the Chipmunks' tenuous come back bid.
Turth be known, David Seville was not impressed. Ranger Smith was less impressed.
Cletis looked up the hill to climb out of the canyon, looked inside himself to gage his energy reserves, felt a powerful thirst for water and became somewhat depressed.