Trixie in Boyland: The Rules

First of all, pretend you can read the map. In Boyland, people don't need to ask directions because they always know where they're going. And wherever you go, there you are, just where they meant to be all along. As long as it is a new road it is the right road, the only exception is catching ferries to go back to somewhere they can't avoid going back to. No one will actually test your knowledge of the map, because asking is not something that happens in Boyland. They read it at night when they think each other is asleep, or they read it before they begin the trip and just remember everything. If you like, you can read it at night when they're drunk, but no one will ask you to look at it and tell them where they are because they know. It's a kind of magic, like so many facets of this wonderful place. All they will notice is if you don't have a sense of direction, but visitors are exempt from this, especially if they act queenly about it.

Boyland people can find somewhere they've never been to and they can find it in the dark, in the fog, without street numbers, when they're drunk. Perhaps it's the alcohol that gives them their wondrous powers.

So if you read the map, or if you have seen the road before, that is fine but don't expect to use this knowledge in any way, just sit back, toke up and enjoy the ride. Even if the vehicle with all of you in it ends up in a ditch or a creek or parked in front of a huge washout in the middle of the night, it doesn't matter. It's where they meant to get and they will make camp and have a drink and it will all be very funny. Always.

Now, another aspect to navigating in Boyland is the Rules. The rules are unchangeable, except by veteran boys, and must be obeyed by everyone every time unless someone changes one of them. Or all of them. If you cross a cattle guard you must lift your feet. If you don't, you have to drink some whiskey. But first the driver must be consulted about whether or not he lifted his feet. If he did, then he gets a drink of whiskey as a reward. He drinks first, then the middle (which is you if you're there, but don't think you can change the rules - although you can, of course, as long as you sound very casual and very sure or alternately very queenly), then the passenger side. If the driver did not lift his feet, he must take a drink as a penalty and the rest of you must also drink.

Whiskey figures prominantly in the rules. There are a lot of them, some involving road signs, some a change in road surface. There is a huge penalty for backtracking of course. Of course, it's understandable. (For a complete list of the rules see: billbob@billybob.com. It won't be there, but that is one of the rules.)

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